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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist xou-xFemale/Germany Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Months
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Newest Deviations

Untitled by xou-x Untitled :iconxou-x:xou-x 3 0 J's Flower by xou-x J's Flower :iconxou-x:xou-x 12 0 Beautiful Kind by xou-x Beautiful Kind :iconxou-x:xou-x 7 2


Get the visine by zarla Get the visine :iconzarla:zarla 3,505 464 Frost Lich Jaina IV by Narga-Lifestream Frost Lich Jaina IV :iconnarga-lifestream:Narga-Lifestream 1,928 36 Miku by chinchongcha Miku :iconchinchongcha:chinchongcha 4,894 164 The Sketchbook of Loish by loish The Sketchbook of Loish :iconloish:loish 4,820 75 Ryujin - The Ever Moving Land by TheEchoDragon Ryujin - The Ever Moving Land :icontheechodragon:TheEchoDragon 5,582 238 The end of time by AlexandraVBach The end of time :iconalexandravbach:AlexandraVBach 1,337 103 Daily Paint 1763# Pizzasaurus - The Herbivore by Cryptid-Creations Daily Paint 1763# Pizzasaurus - The Herbivore :iconcryptid-creations:Cryptid-Creations 6,419 260 Commission - ORAziri by Hyanna-Natsu Commission - ORAziri :iconhyanna-natsu:Hyanna-Natsu 5,875 235 Neptune by TobiasRoetsch Neptune :icontobiasroetsch:TobiasRoetsch 1,012 76 +Hermione Granger+ by larienne +Hermione Granger+ :iconlarienne:larienne 10,774 458 Daily Paint 1761# Vole-demort by Cryptid-Creations Daily Paint 1761# Vole-demort :iconcryptid-creations:Cryptid-Creations 4,742 277 Alpha Dragon by ryky Alpha Dragon :iconryky:ryky 2,993 88 Elsa by Raichiyo33 Elsa :iconraichiyo33:Raichiyo33 5,083 138 RP - Kagaminethalia by Lizally RP - Kagaminethalia :iconlizally:Lizally 48 6 Ginkoo by QueenAqueena Ginkoo :iconqueenaqueena:QueenAqueena 2 6 Shargo by CrazyNeko-Reset Shargo :iconcrazyneko-reset:CrazyNeko-Reset 37 6


My beautiful reference ♥

I had so much fun playing with my new Copic Markers altough it was a little bit difficult because
i've never used them before (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ 
Also the inking was not the best out of the best but whatever ~(‾▿‾)~
I was surprisingly satisfied with the result especially the eyes (‾⌣‾)
I hope you like the result and if there's any questions please let me know! 
- Copic Markers
- Delter Ink (black + white)
- Sakura Pigma Mircons
J's Flower

This 2nd painting is also dedicated to my dear friend who died on the 20th February 2017, almost 2 months ago. 

Here i want to talk about her actual death. What happend to her and why she died. If you want to read my thoughts about her beautiful soul i recommend to read the description of my 1st painting of and for her. 

Maybe one of you might think "why did she die? how?". Now I am talking about what happend to her and how she died: 
Since birth she had an disease called "valvular heart defect". She never had any problems with it. Never needed to visit the doctor for it because she was alright and healthy even though her heart was eventually suffering from it but like i said, she never had a problem with this disease. Let me talk about the disease real quick: If you are suffering from it you need to cut down drinking alcohol, smoking, avoid any hardcore sport or activitys and just chill. But this disease is not that serious that you can not do anything; you are just limited thats all. You can smoke, drink and do any sport you want but you need to be reminded that this could have an effect to your heart, possibly! And now the situation she was in: She was ill, had a bad flue, couldn't even attend school for one week. After that she thought she was okay with it and healthy again. Than she went to our school party, it was like pre-prom or something. And she drunk with us, smoked as well (she only smoked when she was partying, stupid right?) and that's it. The day after she had a little hangover, she didn't threw up or anything just a little head ache. The day after that was school, monday. Everyone was there, accept her. We thought she might be at home feeling too sick or something. I didn't thought about anything serious but my other friends were suspicious because she was not online since yesterday (sunday). And she would always say that she will not be attending school because of this and that reason. But nothing came from her. After school we went all home and later that day my friend was texting me  "KATHY! KATHY! (my nickname is kathy) WHERE IS J. (due of respect to her, her family and friends i will not say her full name)" me: "i don't know where she is what's the matter?" friend: "the rumor is going on that j. is dead but i dont know if thats true or not" me: „ dead? Who the hell says something like that? Where did you get that from?" friend: "I DONT KNOW! Like everyone is talking about it and apparently this and that friend knows it already" me: "who in the world would spread a rumor about some girl who was not attending school for one freaking day? that can not be real i mean how?" (i was actually cursing like a mother effing trucker like boi i was so upset) my friend: "i know right? they said someone did not wake up in her village she is living in like somebody did not wake up after sleeping or some. i dont feel right about this you need to call her parents and ask where she is" but i didn't have their number so I asked my father if we have the number of her parents because she was a childhood friend and lives in the same area as my grandparents and my aunt. But we didn't. Than my other friend tried to call our teacher maybe she knew what is going on but our teacher didn't knew what was going on too and she now tried to call j.'s parents. At that moment, as you can tell, we all started to panic. And i was so upset before because of the rumors and now i panicked myself because of those stupid rumors. I should have been calm, what i tried i swear, but something was not right. I can not describe this feeling but something was badly off. She was not replying to our text messages till the afternoon, wasnt online the whole day since sunday, didnt pick up her phone, NOTHING. At this point i was thinking all this and i felt the panic growing. The teacher was not calling back after 5 or 10 minutes and begged my father to call my grandparents maybe they knew what is going on. But nobody picked up. I started to panic even more: "Dad please call one more time! I need to know where she is nobody wants to answer us!" Dad: "Why do you have to panic it is just a little rumor nothing more! Please be calm and wait for the call of your teacher." I couldn't. How? My best friend might be anywhere and i felt like everyone else knew what was going on but didn't want to say something or what so ever. My panic grew so much till the moment i got tears in my eyes. I was questining myself "Why do you cry it's just a stupid rumor .. right?" and tried to calm myself down but i couldn't. In that moment my dad shows up and I started balling my eyes out: "Dad I am so scared! I am so worried i want to know where she is dad! I just can't .." My dad was so angry about me getting so ruffled up about a "rumor": "What are you doing are you crazy or something? You dont even know what is going on what is wrong with you? It's just a rumor calm down!" Me: "My friend might be dead that is the case right now! Why shouldn't I be not worried about it!" Than I ran up to my brother asking if he could ask our cousin (the son of my aunt) if he knew something but because he was taking a FREAKING NAP at that time he just ignored me and said: "Just chill". And were my mother was, who would comfort me and try to calm me down? She was working. I was left with bunch of idiots who didn't want to understand what was going on and nor me knew what was going on. After that I was sitting in our kitchen trying to calm myself and then my father gets a call. I hear him talking and run to my father and than my father goes: "Yeah, yes her name was J. (he tried to say her full name) .." Me: "Dad it was J.!" Dad: "J. (says her full name)." He looked straight to my eyes which where so shocked and bewildered at the same time and i was thinking "no, no way .." than i said: "Is she the one who .. ?" And my father was nodding: "She is dead. J. died." 
Did you ever saw an action movie were something so crazy was going on that the sound was cut off but you could see the mouth moving, the buildings crushing and the guns shooting? And only what was left was just a pinching sound trough all of the action that was going on?
Just like that. Nothing more and nothing less was going on at that moment after my father told me "J. is dead". I collapsed. I fell to the ground and cried and screamed .. and was shaking and .. was not there anymore. This feeling you guys .. i just dont know how to describe the sadness and the shock that i felt all of a sudden. I have never been crying like that in my entire life before. I was shaking like crazy. But what the worst part was: to tell my friends that she died. And i did. I couldnt see anything. My eyes were balling tears and everything was blurred. I couldnt tip any words on my phone because i was so shaking. That i didnt black out at that moment was a holy wonder. And then i texted my friends. They didn't believe me at first. Not that they thought i was lying but they wanted it to be a lie. All of it should be a lie. But it wasnt. My friend got minutes after that the call from my teacher. And she was dead. My teacher confirmed us that she died. I screamed like a crazy spoiled child "That is not true! All of it is a DAMN LIE! HOW? Dad how .." And he came up to me, hugged me and all i wanted to know was: "How did she die?" My Dad: "Your aunt saw cops and a helicopter infront of J.'s house. Than she saw her parents crying and asked 'what was the matter' And they told her she died. J. died in the morning. Her mother wanted her to wake up for school. But J. wasnt responding, nor breathing, nor moving, just layd down and had her eyes closed. She didn't woke up. She called the ambulance but they said she was dead. She was laying down in her bad with her eyes closed and she was dead." 
After that we just talked about her and what a beautiful person she was. We were all crying togehter and talking about her. We didn't show up for school. The rest did because the teacher were anouncing her death at the next day. I couldn't go nor my other friends. All what they said was that she was dead and nothing more or less. So they were clueless like we and nobody knew why she died. After that we all assumed that she did suicide. That she killed herself. She was always so tired of school, was not satisfied with her grades and she was about to drop school and just leave and do everything she always wanted to do. She was scared of our homeroom teacher. She bullied her. Not only her but some other girls too. And i was suffering as well because all what our teacher did was giving bad grades to those she didn't like. J. and me got bad grades from her. And not only that but i also was about to drop high school because of my bad grades. Not that i was bad or J. but we just had the most stupid teacher that we can get. So we bonded because of did and laughed it off how unlucky we are and she said she was glad that she doesnt have to this all alone. And i was there for her. And she for me. Thats why we assumed she did sucide. But we couldnt agree with that either because we never thought she could do this to herself and wouldnt so something like that to her, we knew that was not the case but for some reason it settled us in a way. Because she wanted to die. It was her choice. It may sound crazy but we hoped that she was not dying because of an illness or pain or something horrible like that.
Than after 2 or 3 days my other friends visited her parents and they told them the cause of her death: "The doctors were saying the flue that she had was affecting her heart disease "valvular heart defect". Her disease caused a cardiac arrest. Her heart couldnt take the flue anymore and she died. Her heart gave up. But she died peacefully. We can assure that she didn't have any pain or anything. She just died without her realizing in her sleep."
After that we were crying so hard. And couldn't resist. Because the fact that she didn't want to die, that she wanted to live like any other human being. She wanted to go to school the next day. She wanted to greet her parents in the morning, wanted to see us and hug us as usual. She just wanted to live. But her heart gave up. Because of a flue. It was unbelieveable that even in the 21th century people die because of a flue. And till to this day i can not accept the fact that she died. All she did was just leaving earlier before our high school graduation, before us without telling anyone that she is now in a better place. That she is taking a break and is right now chilling on any beach in some country and just travels. And after her long vacation she would see us again, visiting her travel destination. She would all hug us again and made sure that we smiled. Smiled with our whole heart and says something like "Where were you guys? I was waiting for you for so long! Look how amazing this place is and .." she would go on and on we would just listen to her. Without saying anything and just be happy again. 

For all of you who had the patience to read all of the story about the death of my best friend; thank you! :)

I hope it was not too long and you could read it easly without getting borred so I tried my best to bring any details into the story of her death. If you have any questions about the story, her or the picture that I painted i will make sure to answer all of them and feel free to leave comments<3

xo, xou-x <33

Beautiful Kind
This drawing is dedicated to one of my best friends who died on the 20th February 2017, almost 2 months ago.

I never was so persistently working on a drawing before. I made sure that all of my heart goes into that drawing of her, that her beautifulness within and out was surfacing into the drawing and how caring and lovely she was. 
I can talk about her hours and hours and never get tired of it. So here she is beautiful as she was and i will never forget her and her kindness and just her as a human being. She changed me so damn much - in a good way. I only knew her for 1 1/2 years and it was like I met my best friend again that I've not seen in years and I'm not even exaggerating my friendship with her, she was actually a childhood friend that i grew up with and met again. I was so thankful for her changing into our school because if this never happened i would've never met her and her beautiful soul again. I can't even describe in words how much i love her and will forever. Nobody got so quickly, cozy and lovely into my life like she did. I am so gratetful to met her. I don't know what else to say but there is so much more that I just want to talk about. Like her beautiful eyes (i have never seen such greenish-yellowish eyes before), her beautfiul full lips, her cute little fingers, her funny laugh (i always made sure that she laughed even once in a day because i loved her laugh so much). She always hugged me so tightly when she saw me, always complimented me in any way and I always tried to do the same to her. She was sooo affectionate and that was what I loved and appreciated the most about her. And due to her I also met so many new friends that i adore so much. She gave me so much that I didn't even deserved. She deserved so much more. I wish I could hug her as much as she did. I wish I could say how much i loved her. I want to say how beautiful she is. I just want to see her again. It's not that I didn't do it or tried it but it was not enough. I felt like what I did compared to her is not even comparable. She gave so much love and she deserved so much more love than anyone else. And the worst thing is that i couldn't say goodbye. I was not ready for her death like everbody else. 500 people showed up to her funeral. So many people cried. I cried. I saw her. Dead. Lying down in her coffin. But it was not her anymore. It was not her lying down there. Here soulless body was just a shell that remained. And i remember how cold it was on that day. How it rained. The sky was crying with us. And the sunshine was gone. She was gone. My actual sunshine. Who always shined when the sun didn't. My heart aches so much. It hurts so much to think about her but there is also that feeling that brings me a smile in my face - her love. The utmost love that i have never reseved in my life before. And i am so so so grateful for her and the love that she gave. I love her so much oh my god. It hurts so much to think about the fact that i can never see her again. She always made jokes about my future wedding and how i promised her that she is the first one that i would invite. And now i can not invite her anymore to my wedding. I can not grow old with her anymore. I can not say how much i love her because i never did. That is the main thing that i regret. I am not the person who talks about my feelings that much and i regret it. She had a boyfriend. She was a girlfriend, a sister, a daugther. My friend. Best friend. And this sadness and this pain that i felt when she died,  i always thought those feelings wouldn't last long and i can move on and accept the fact that she is no longer here with us anymore. But this whole sorrow is not going anywhere. It stays next to me like i little shadow. It follows me everywhere. But all of this shows just how much i love her and that i will never forget her. Never. I think about her everyday. Not a single day went by without thinking about her.

This whole text is very long so i want to separate the reason why she is dead and how she died. It helps a lot to talk about it and now i feel better talking about the matter of her. If you want to know what happened to her read in the description in my next painting that i did for her. Thank you for reading all of it and i hope you like the drawing that i made for her <3

If you want to leave any comments feel free to do so and ask me everything about the drawing or even about her, i would like to answer them all <3

xo, xou-x <3


xou-x's Profile Picture

Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
taking art more serious now hehe


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Add a Comment:
tortor12123 Featured By Owner May 19, 2017  Student Digital Artist
It'll be slow but,Thank you for the favorite ^^
fradarlin Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav! :D
Color animation practice by fradarlin   Nightclaw by fradarlin   Ixem and Cyia by fradarlin  
arthur-mersi Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
well.. thanks for the fav
xou-x Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
no prob! <3
arthur-mersi Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
arthur-mersi Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
Come-on do something!La la la la 
xou-x Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
sry i was so busy ~(‾▿‾)~
arthur-mersi Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2017  Professional Digital Artist
I am a dummy! 
Ylahia-DragonSpirit Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2017  Student Digital Artist
Thank you for the fav !! feel free to comment too !! It's always appreciated ;)
xou-x Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2017  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
no problem! <3 i will!
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