|taking art more serious now hehe|
This 2nd painting is also dedicated to my dear friend who died on the 20th February 2017, almost 2 months ago.
Here i want to talk about her actual death. What happend to her and why she died. If you want to read my thoughts about her beautiful soul i recommend to read the description of my 1st painting of and for her.
Maybe one of you might think "why did she die? how?". Now I am talking about what happend to her and how she died:
Since birth she had an disease called "valvular heart defect". She never had any problems with it. Never needed to visit the doctor for it because she was alright and healthy even though her heart was eventually suffering from it but like i said, she never had a problem with this disease. Let me talk about the disease real quick: If you are suffering from it you need to cut down drinking alcohol, smoking, avoid any hardcore sport or activitys and just chill. But this disease is not that serious that you can not do anything; you are just limited thats all. You can smoke, drink and do any sport you want but you need to be reminded that this could have an effect to your heart, possibly! And now the situation she was in: She was ill, had a bad flue, couldn't even attend school for one week. After that she thought she was okay with it and healthy again. Than she went to our school party, it was like pre-prom or something. And she drunk with us, smoked as well (she only smoked when she was partying, stupid right?) and that's it. The day after she had a little hangover, she didn't threw up or anything just a little head ache. The day after that was school, monday. Everyone was there, accept her. We thought she might be at home feeling too sick or something. I didn't thought about anything serious but my other friends were suspicious because she was not online since yesterday (sunday). And she would always say that she will not be attending school because of this and that reason. But nothing came from her. After school we went all home and later that day my friend was texting me "KATHY! KATHY! (my nickname is kathy) WHERE IS J. (due of respect to her, her family and friends i will not say her full name)" me: "i don't know where she is what's the matter?" friend: "the rumor is going on that j. is dead but i dont know if thats true or not" me: „ dead? Who the hell says something like that? Where did you get that from?" friend: "I DONT KNOW! Like everyone is talking about it and apparently this and that friend knows it already" me: "who in the world would spread a rumor about some girl who was not attending school for one freaking day? that can not be real i mean how?" (i was actually cursing like a mother effing trucker like boi i was so upset) my friend: "i know right? they said someone did not wake up in her village she is living in like somebody did not wake up after sleeping or some. i dont feel right about this you need to call her parents and ask where she is" but i didn't have their number so I asked my father if we have the number of her parents because she was a childhood friend and lives in the same area as my grandparents and my aunt. But we didn't. Than my other friend tried to call our teacher maybe she knew what is going on but our teacher didn't knew what was going on too and she now tried to call j.'s parents. At that moment, as you can tell, we all started to panic. And i was so upset before because of the rumors and now i panicked myself because of those stupid rumors. I should have been calm, what i tried i swear, but something was not right. I can not describe this feeling but something was badly off. She was not replying to our text messages till the afternoon, wasnt online the whole day since sunday, didnt pick up her phone, NOTHING. At this point i was thinking all this and i felt the panic growing. The teacher was not calling back after 5 or 10 minutes and begged my father to call my grandparents maybe they knew what is going on. But nobody picked up. I started to panic even more: "Dad please call one more time! I need to know where she is nobody wants to answer us!" Dad: "Why do you have to panic it is just a little rumor nothing more! Please be calm and wait for the call of your teacher." I couldn't. How? My best friend might be anywhere and i felt like everyone else knew what was going on but didn't want to say something or what so ever. My panic grew so much till the moment i got tears in my eyes. I was questining myself "Why do you cry it's just a stupid rumor .. right?" and tried to calm myself down but i couldn't. In that moment my dad shows up and I started balling my eyes out: "Dad I am so scared! I am so worried i want to know where she is dad! I just can't .." My dad was so angry about me getting so ruffled up about a "rumor": "What are you doing are you crazy or something? You dont even know what is going on what is wrong with you? It's just a rumor calm down!" Me: "My friend might be dead that is the case right now! Why shouldn't I be not worried about it!" Than I ran up to my brother asking if he could ask our cousin (the son of my aunt) if he knew something but because he was taking a FREAKING NAP at that time he just ignored me and said: "Just chill". And were my mother was, who would comfort me and try to calm me down? She was working. I was left with bunch of idiots who didn't want to understand what was going on and nor me knew what was going on. After that I was sitting in our kitchen trying to calm myself and then my father gets a call. I hear him talking and run to my father and than my father goes: "Yeah, yes her name was J. (he tried to say her full name) .." Me: "Dad it was J.!" Dad: "J. (says her full name)." He looked straight to my eyes which where so shocked and bewildered at the same time and i was thinking "no, no way .." than i said: "Is she the one who .. ?" And my father was nodding: "She is dead. J. died."
Did you ever saw an action movie were something so crazy was going on that the sound was cut off but you could see the mouth moving, the buildings crushing and the guns shooting? And only what was left was just a pinching sound trough all of the action that was going on?
Just like that. Nothing more and nothing less was going on at that moment after my father told me "J. is dead". I collapsed. I fell to the ground and cried and screamed .. and was shaking and .. was not there anymore. This feeling you guys .. i just dont know how to describe the sadness and the shock that i felt all of a sudden. I have never been crying like that in my entire life before. I was shaking like crazy. But what the worst part was: to tell my friends that she died. And i did. I couldnt see anything. My eyes were balling tears and everything was blurred. I couldnt tip any words on my phone because i was so shaking. That i didnt black out at that moment was a holy wonder. And then i texted my friends. They didn't believe me at first. Not that they thought i was lying but they wanted it to be a lie. All of it should be a lie. But it wasnt. My friend got minutes after that the call from my teacher. And she was dead. My teacher confirmed us that she died. I screamed like a crazy spoiled child "That is not true! All of it is a DAMN LIE! HOW? Dad how .." And he came up to me, hugged me and all i wanted to know was: "How did she die?" My Dad: "Your aunt saw cops and a helicopter infront of J.'s house. Than she saw her parents crying and asked 'what was the matter' And they told her she died. J. died in the morning. Her mother wanted her to wake up for school. But J. wasnt responding, nor breathing, nor moving, just layd down and had her eyes closed. She didn't woke up. She called the ambulance but they said she was dead. She was laying down in her bad with her eyes closed and she was dead."
After that we just talked about her and what a beautiful person she was. We were all crying togehter and talking about her. We didn't show up for school. The rest did because the teacher were anouncing her death at the next day. I couldn't go nor my other friends. All what they said was that she was dead and nothing more or less. So they were clueless like we and nobody knew why she died. After that we all assumed that she did suicide. That she killed herself. She was always so tired of school, was not satisfied with her grades and she was about to drop school and just leave and do everything she always wanted to do. She was scared of our homeroom teacher. She bullied her. Not only her but some other girls too. And i was suffering as well because all what our teacher did was giving bad grades to those she didn't like. J. and me got bad grades from her. And not only that but i also was about to drop high school because of my bad grades. Not that i was bad or J. but we just had the most stupid teacher that we can get. So we bonded because of did and laughed it off how unlucky we are and she said she was glad that she doesnt have to this all alone. And i was there for her. And she for me. Thats why we assumed she did sucide. But we couldnt agree with that either because we never thought she could do this to herself and wouldnt so something like that to her, we knew that was not the case but for some reason it settled us in a way. Because she wanted to die. It was her choice. It may sound crazy but we hoped that she was not dying because of an illness or pain or something horrible like that.
Than after 2 or 3 days my other friends visited her parents and they told them the cause of her death: "The doctors were saying the flue that she had was affecting her heart disease "valvular heart defect". Her disease caused a cardiac arrest. Her heart couldnt take the flue anymore and she died. Her heart gave up. But she died peacefully. We can assure that she didn't have any pain or anything. She just died without her realizing in her sleep."
After that we were crying so hard. And couldn't resist. Because the fact that she didn't want to die, that she wanted to live like any other human being. She wanted to go to school the next day. She wanted to greet her parents in the morning, wanted to see us and hug us as usual. She just wanted to live. But her heart gave up. Because of a flue. It was unbelieveable that even in the 21th century people die because of a flue. And till to this day i can not accept the fact that she died. All she did was just leaving earlier before our high school graduation, before us without telling anyone that she is now in a better place. That she is taking a break and is right now chilling on any beach in some country and just travels. And after her long vacation she would see us again, visiting her travel destination. She would all hug us again and made sure that we smiled. Smiled with our whole heart and says something like "Where were you guys? I was waiting for you for so long! Look how amazing this place is and .." she would go on and on we would just listen to her. Without saying anything and just be happy again.
For all of you who had the patience to read all of the story about the death of my best friend; thank you!
I hope it was not too long and you could read it easly without getting borred so I tried my best to bring any details into the story of her death. If you have any questions about the story, her or the picture that I painted i will make sure to answer all of them and feel free to leave comments<3
xo, xou-x <33